Changed
by caliles111
Summary: Jenny Calendar changed Rupert. Taking the episode Passion from Giles' perspective. JC/RG. Pretty angsty, pretty sad.


Title: Changed  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the episode Passion (which I directly quote on occasion), or any part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Joss wins there.  
A/N: Feel free to review or drop me a line or whatever you want. Criticism, praise, Buffy discussions, weeping sessions over the loss of Jenny, I'm game. Do (at least try to) enjoy!

Changed

Jenny Calendar changed Rupert.

His heart was pounding as he ascended the staircase, wine and glasses that Jenny had left in hand, observing the roses placed on each step. He wasn't nervous or anxious. The feelings he was experiencing, the ones that caused the grin that was currently spreading across his features, were that of excitement, relief, and hope; excitement at the prospect of what awaited him in his bedroom, relief that all the feelings he had been suppressing no longer had to eat away at him, and hope that he and Jenny would never separate for so long again. Above all these feelings laid one main emotion which was coursing through him – happiness. Reconciliation was finally at hand. She loved him. And he loved her, as she would soon know.

Yes, Rupert Giles' heart was almost visibly pounding through his chest out of sheer elation as he climbed those steps, but too quickly it all came to a complete halt.

His heart stopped.  
Glass Shattered.  
He swallowed all those feelings he had dared experience, like a handful of oversized pills being forced down without water.  
Blank, unblinking eyes stared through him.

"Jenny...?" Only a whisper, desperation coated the two syllables. Horror flooded Rupert's features as his instincts kicked in and he ran to her side, not noticing the sound of crunching glass beneath his feet. He dropped to his knees and instinctively checked first for a pulse.

His fingers reached out, though he knew in vain. He forced his gaze away from her wide eyes. As his fingers made contact with her neck, all hope was lost. Her skin, though still somewhat warm, was decidedly cooler than his, and at the slightest pressure applied, her head rolled. No need to check for the beating of her heart, or perhaps bite marks. That wasn't the way she died. Her soft, lovely, fragile neck had been broken.

Giles turned away from the body and leaned against the bed as he sat on the floor, in total disbelief. Thoughts flooded through his head rapidly – what to do, who to tell, how to feel...

_No. No, this isn't happening. She's not dead._

He turned back to her and grabbed her hand.

"Jenny...Jenny, I'm here," he kissed her hand, maintaining contact with those eyes, pleading. "Jenny I -" He stopped short. Still clutching her hand, he grabbed the phone near the bed and steadily dialed 9-1-1.

"I'm getting you help Jenny." Rupert whispered as the phone rang once. "Yes? Yes, please. Sh-she isn't...sh-sh-she needs help. Please. I-I think...Yes, her neck. I think she's...what I mean is she seems...gone." He took the phone away from his hear and dropped it. As he did so, all shreds of composure disappeared.

He cried.  
Rupert Giles sobbed and pleaded. He begged and even prayed. Never letting going of her hand, he buried his face in her chest.

He kissed her.  
Her face, her arms, her hands, and each finger, over and over again.

He talked to her.  
Telling her things he never had the chance to say. He told her he loved her repeatedly. He apologized for never telling her when it counted, for not saving her, for every moment they didn't spend together and never would.

And all the while, Rupert cried.

Then, abruptly, there were no more tears, no more kisses, no more words, no more feeling. Lifting a quivering hand, he shut her eyes. Patiently he waited, never letting go of her hand as he occupied himself by running his fingers through her hair until the police cars and ambulances arrived. He didn't notice the pounding on the door. Medics came in first, pushing Rupert aside, finally forcing him to relinquish his grasp on her hand, asking question after question.

"What's her name?"  
"How long has she been here?"  
"Did you find her like this?"

Too many questions, none of which he absorbed.

"J-J-Jenny. Her name is Jenny, uh, Calendar." This was the only question he could manage to answer. His mind was far away from the scene. Rupert was ushered from the room and his failing legs required him to lean against the hard wall outside the door frame.

He was numb, in complete shock. He stared at a rose petal which was lying near his feet. For a while he thought only of her, of all he loved about her, and his disbelief that she was gone. He tried to imagine how it happened. Was it here that Angelus snapped her neck? Had Jenny had her hopes for reconciliation as well as she set the romantic scene, only to have Angelus murder her in his bed?

No. Jenny hadn't set his house up that way. She was dead long before. It was Angelus, who loves to play with his victims. He had taken away Jenny and used her body to toy with him.

Apathy boiled into hate and anger, as such that Rupert had never before experienced. Reason was clouded with vengeance. He knew what he had to do.

They carried Jenny's body out the door, and Rupert continued to stare at the rose petal. It was only when the police asked him to go with them to answer questions that Giles realized he needed to tell Buffy.

"I need to make a phone call first, if-if that's alright." Giles prepared himself to keep his composure. He had to be strong for them. He dialed Buffy's number and the phone rang.

"Hello?" Buffy's voice answered.

"Buffy."

"Oh, hey Giles! What's up?" She sounded so cheerful, unaware of the tragedy that befell him so recently. He envied her.

"Sh-she's...Ms. Calendar-Jenny, is uh," _God Giles, you can do better than that. _His voice was cracking and pain was clear in every word, "Angelus has killed Ms. Calendar." Silence on the other end followed.

"Hello?" Willow's voice was now heard through the receiver. He had hoped he wouldn't have to say it twice, that Buffy would tell the rest, but no such luck.

"M-Ms. Calendar is dead." He stated, no longer up for beating around the bush.

"What?" Willow's sob broke through the phone line and Rupert's composure was slipping.

"A-Angelus..." He started, but swiftly hung up the phone, unwilling to hear anymore of Willow's anguished tears. Giles took a deep breath, attempting to obtain some sense of calm, but the air felt dirty and thick as long as Jenny couldn't breath it. He almost choked on it.

XXX

More questions.

"When did you get home?"  
"Where were you before you found her?"  
"Why was she at your house tonight?"  
"What was your relationship with her?"

The questions continued, on after the other, each dutifully answered, some answers forged if needed. They finally allowed him to go home at 12:30AM. As he walked into his apartment, seeing the mess left behind, thinking of her and of Angelus, all exhaustion accumulated through the day melted away. He didn't sit or delay; without missing a beat he began to gather his weapons. His mind, his body, all his senses screamed for revenge. He would face Angelus, he would kill him. If Giles himself died in the process. . . so be it. No matter what, he wanted pain – to inflict it or to absorb it. He just wanted this over.

The rest passed in a haze. The trip to the factory and the planning that took place was fuzzy, unclear, like looking through the wrong prescription glasses or staring out a dirty window. All he saw was Angelus, and all he felt was anger.

There _was _pain. He scorched his opponent, but still felt Angelus picking him up by the neck, cutting off airflow. He hoped Jenny hadn't suffered much pain. Then there was a disturbance and he was released, but all that he saw, clear and vibrant, was fire. Fire, pure energy, raged. Seemingly furious and pained, as though wronged in some way, the fire expressed Rupert's feelings better than he could himself. He laid there, allowing the heat, flame and smoke to consume him, giving himself to the fire, praying to be reunited with _his_ Jenny. . ..

Suddenly he was pulled to his feet, cruelly being taken away from his demise.

_Buffy. _Stupid, stupid girl! Always running to fight other people's battles. As the heat began to diminish everything in him cried – _Jenny! Oh God, Jenny! No...No..._

They reached smoke-free air. He wasn't going to allow himself to shed a tear in front of the slayer. He simply wanted to finish what she had interrupted. She was supporting him, holding him up. He didn't want to be helped.

"Why did you come here? This was not your fight!" He exclaimed, pushing Buffy away from him. He was then knocked to the ground, Buffy had punched him. There was a searing pain in his jaw, which put him over the line. He needed Jenny. He missed her. He ached for her. Tears began flowing.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" _Yes._ Without realizing what was going on, Buffy's arms were around him, holding him. Rupert didn't feel it, gained no comfort from it. All he knew was that Jenny was gone and all he wanted to do was cry.

When Giles returned home that night, he didn't sleep. He didn't go upstairs. He didn't make himself a pot of tea. He simply sat all night on his couch.

Alone.

He sat there, accepting that this is what it would always be. Accepting that Jenny was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. Accepting that he loved her and always would.

XXX

Jenny Calendar changed Rupert.

Being a watcher he was trained to deal with pain, but a part of him was altered permanently. After meeting Jenny and losing her, it was almost as though a chemical reaction had occurred inside him or, in a manner of speaking, a physical transference had taken place.

Giles could never love a woman the same way again; he would never love a woman as deeply, madly and passionately as he did _her._ He would never love a woman as fully, completely and whole-heartedly – for he no longer had his whole heart to give. He had placed his heart in hers, and she died with it. In exchange, her heart would forever beat with his – intertwined. Therefore, he couldn't give his entire heart to another woman, for part of it belonged to her and wasn't his to give.

Giles was never quite the same after that day. He continued to be Buffy's watcher, he never quite fully adapted to the computer age, he had girlfriends, and he lived a very fulfilling life, but something was different. He loved Jenny, and whereas he lived life almost like normal, he never stopped missing her and he never stopped loving her.

FIN

A/N: Well, thanks! Might I just say, I was piiiissed when Joss killed Jenny. It seems that he likes to kill all my favorite characters on his shows. It's kind of mean. I wrote this to cope. ;)

Feel free to review. I love criticism, so go ahead and tell me if you think I suck, I'll be fine with it. Tell me all that bothered you about the story, if you like. I also appreciate niceness too, in case you were wondering. Fanfiction, it seems to me, is just a place to post whatever crappy fan drabble you feel like writing on mellow afternoons. :)

Cheers!


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